Zelda: Spirit Tracks

From the franchise that just won't die, here comes latest installment in the Zelda series: Spirit Tracks, or Stracks.  If you've played video games before, chances are you've played a zelda game at least once in your life time.  There are a dozen or so with the same basic premise.  Now i'm not going to be the one to say "having the same basic premise" is a bad thing; what's so different in any other game franchise?  Yet many escape that same criticism mostly because video game critiquing is dominated by fan-boys who are, by definition, morons.  Yup, all of you.

I, however, am not a fanboy (one of the few, proud and elite!).  But i am a fan.  I like the zelda games and it's not because i've got strong emotional attachments to Nintendo, or whatever, but because the games are very consistently good.  But this isn't a rant about why i like what.  This is a review, so let's get to that.

Gameplay and Control

Ah, control.  The controls are largely similar to Phantom Hourglass, but that's not a bad thing.  It's still one of the best all-stylus controlled games i've played on the DS.

There's been some improvements over Phantom Hourglass, aswell.  The roll attack used to be done by "drawing small circles" (which was difficult for the game to discern, especially in a pinch), but is now done by simply double-tapping the location where you want to roll.  This makes it easier to perform the move, but oddly, there's less reason for you to ever need to use the move.  This has the paradoxical problem of actually making this improvement of control a negative for control since not only will you never need to roll, but you'll find yourself rolling all over the place in the heat of battle as you tap vigourously all around your screen at the numerous enemies.

Gameplay in general is top notch.  Puzzles are fun, killing stuff's fun - the great stuff about the Zelda franchise is all there.  Gone, too, are the gimmicky tactics of Phantom Hourglass, like the temple you continuously return to over and over again and needless screaming into the mic at every other turn (and there was much rejoicing).  The only downside is sometimes the 3D can screw up puzzle solving.

One example is an item that would raise sand.  You use the sand to "roll" giant cubes into their appropriate spots.  Thing is, in a small space, it's more likely you'll accidentally roll the wrong cube or the cube you want in the wrong direction since the place you have to point on the screen is actually hidden behind an object in the foreground.  The immediate inclination of a player is to point at the visible spaces on the map, so it can become quite frustrating when doing so actually sets you back 2 or three steps in your solution.  It's hard to explain, but it's certainly an issue.

The overall challenge level of the game has been increased from Phantom Hourglass.  This was done by making the puzzles harder and combat a little more rigourous.  I was pleased Nintendo didn't lean too heavily on lazy-programming tactics and fake difficulty, like limiting saves or cluttered gameplay requiring hours of practice to "master" for their challenge.  This probably means the "hardcore" crowd will still not be pleased, but getting 2/3rds of the way through the word "fun" (by their definition) is exactly the sentiment they deserve.

The money equation has been fixed, but not to the point of being rebroken.  No longer are you swimming in cash as in every Zelda game since Link to the Past, but neither are you starved for basic supplies as in the very first Zelda games.

There's still a number of frustratingly unfun minigames.  The rabbit catching mini-game, particularly, is hare-pullingly frustrating! (ed: boo!)

My biggest qualm about Spirit Tracks, however, is the lack of mobility one has in the game.  While "train" is certainly an improvement from "boat", i don't feel it's enough of one.  It gets remarkably frustrating to ride the rails around the land when all you want to do is check which rare pieces of treasure each shop happens to be stocking today.

The warping is awful.  Unlocking all the warp spots is of little value since they act like portals that always lead to the same places.  Why can't i enter one portal and then select the portal i want to emerge from?  Why do they always lead to the same bloody places?

The short answer might seem to be: "i dunno", but the actual answer is as a point of fake difficulty to increase the "challenge" as the game essentially rail-roads you along the routes the game wants you to take.

Graphics and Music

The music is disappointing.  The selection of music is basically: opening screen, file select screen, town theme, temple theme, train theme.  They're not even particularly imaginative songs and they quickly drift into the background to a degree so great you might as well mute your DS.

Graphics push the DS to the limits.  I know this because there were times when the game would slow down in response to enemies spawning.  With the exception of graphics whores everywhere, i can't imagine anyone complaining too much about this aspect.  Prove me wrong, graphics whores.  Prove me wrong.

Story

The story is slow to pick up, but once it's there it's just as solid as previous recent zelda titles.  This is both a blessing and a curse.  In one regard, that means it's essentially an excuse to go from temple to temple, but the plus side is for long-term fans of the franchise, the story does in fact seem to be making an effort to fill in some of the timeline holes that currently litter the Zelda universe.

Ultimately, though, if you're expecting Shakespear, look elsewhere.  Of course, if you're expecting Shakespear, what the hell are you doing playing video games at all?

Characters

Zelda is fleshed out considerably well.  Lots of people quote that she's no longer "just a damsel in distress"... which is sort of erroneous, since she's not been "just a damsel in distress" from about Ocarina of Time onward, having played important rolls in that game, Wind Waker and Phantom Hourglass.

However, it is true that Zelda is much more involved in this game with the player gaining explicit control of her at times.  The game frames this as "Link" being able to get Zelda to do whatever he wants with only a series of vocal commands.  Yup, anything at all.  Anything.  The only real exception is when rats are involved, at which point Zelda becomes paralyzed with fear.

Most of the other characters get zero character development.  The bad guy's not even mentioned by the main characters for most of the game.  It's also, er, "surprising" (?) that the last boss is not Ganon, but another demon named Malladus.  Not much is known about him, though, since the game goes out of its way to never mention what he's doing for most of the game.  Fortunately, whatever he's doing, there's no degree of urgency to head off and stop him and you can spend as much time as you want between temples wandering around completing minigames, finding treasure and using your train to ferry the ungrateful masses between towns.

Final Comments

Spirit Tracks is definitely an improvement over Phantom Hourglass despite what Metacritic's composite rating system seems to think.

With three endings, train cars to collect (which are less annoying than boat components to collect) and 6 temples (including the Temple of Spirits) to go through, the quest is a good length.  Increased challenge, better use of characters and a fixed money equation also add to the games list of admirable qualities.

Biggest qualm overall?  Less random enemies.  There's many more interesting and challenging puzzles in return, but i do miss killing the random enemies that used to litter temples and the over world.  Part of this is because much of your travel is via train.  But firing at things with a canon is just not as much fun as slashing it with the sword (which is what all the zelda fans want to do, anyway).

2.5 out of 3 triforces.  Let's just say that's an A-.

Why i hate anime

Time for something a little more controversial.  This post will either implode by blog with a torrent of angry comments... or pass by forever unnoticed into the obscurity of the internet.  Either way, there will be no follow-ups.  This is a one off thing.  I hope it inspires more thought than anger in the readers.



To an average anonymous anime fan,

I used to be a part of your fandom.  I really was.

My favourite anime is probably Love Hina (but not the terrible sequel, Love Hina Again).  I love Keitaro and the upbeat themesong.  I also enjoyed Fullmetal Alchemist, though the ending left me underwhelmed.  They, too, had some classic opening themes.

I liked the first arc of Bleach and watched up to the filler eps of Naruto (but not Naruto Shippuden).  I didn't continue for the same reason i only watched until the end of the Cell saga for Dragonball Z.  The pacing was a tad slow for me.  But i liked the lead up stories enough.

I've seen all of Neon Genesis Evangleon, but i do think it's a tad overrated for what it is.

Akira was my introduction to anime, but Spirited Away and Princess Mononoke were significantly better films, the former being my favourite anime movie ever.  My Neighbour Totoro, too, was a good little story that's underrated and not easily classified as any particular genre.

I like Ranma 1/2, but admittedly have never seen all of it (only sporadic episodes and movies) - but i liked what i saw and will continue to watch those sporadic episodes until i gradually fill in the whole series.

Death Note was good until Light first gave away the Death Note and i then lost interest.  I've heard it gets better again and i do intend to go back and finish it, but i'm the kind of person who is lazy about things like this.

I watched all the Slayers OVA and Tenchi Muyo (actually Tenchi Universe, the 26 episode series).  At the time i couldn't find the actual Slayers anime.  I watched these in the time before torrents and streaming, when you needed to share more gigabytes than my computer even had in order to have access to the better anime caches.

Cowboy Bebop, Trigun and Ghost In The Shell are exceptional series that anyone who appreciates anime should see.  The latter influenced The Matrix, for god's sake!  THE FREAKIN' MATRIX!

I got through a large chunk of Rurouni Kenshin (~70 episodes), but in the end i felt the anime was going on longer than it needed to and gave up on it.

Now, this is just a quick list of only some of the animes i've indulged in over my life.  I'm now currently watching Fruits Basket at the recommendation of a friend.  I'm also at varying places in Ah My Goddess and Excel Saga, but i don't watch as much TV or anime in general anymore, so i've slowed down in my consumption.  But the point is, i like the material.

So, why do i say i used to be an anime fan?  Aren't i still?  I mean, i do still watch anime.  So why don't i consider myself an anime fan?  Well, the short answer is: it's because of you.

Yes, you, dear anime fan.  You have ruined the fandom for me.  For a lot of people, actually.

Since the rise in popularity of anime, the fandom has largely transformed from a select group of nerds who simply enjoyed the stories and story telling tactics to a vast, swath of Japanophiles who pepper their speach with japanese words and honoriffics, hold the explicit view that "if it ain't japanese, it ain't any good", harbour an insideous persecution complex and cosntrue anyone who disagrees with their insanely cliquish views as being an "anime hater".

Now, there may be some out there who do "hate anime" for a number of ridiculous reasons, but the ones i've personally encountered are vanishingly rare.  Most non-fans simply say "i don't like it" and that's it.  Many have very good reasons for why they don't like it, especially considering it is just a form of entertainment and a matter for opinion.

But when i read your fandom forums, they are littered with stories that characterize anyone who simply doesn't like as "hating on anime".  Hell, it's a regular topic in anime fora: "why do people hate anime".  Often this is accompanied by other fans proclaiming that people "hate" anime because they are just dumber or don't understand or what have you, and that if the hater just gave in to the superiority of anime, they'd abandon their "hate" and become an enlightened anime fan.  Some forums even have stories of "anime haters" that sound all but criminally abusive.  Many of the posts are not so much "why do people hate anime" but "why do people hate anime FANS" (even though few are actually phrased this way).

Interestingly enough, i don't doubt that anime fans routinely encounter persons who treat them badly.  By why is that, i wonder?

Anime fans, themselves, have a strong tendancy to talk down to fans of other media.  They don't do it in ways so overt as to call them stupid.

...

No, wait, that's exactly what they do!  They freely say things like "anime is the best form of entertainment, period" and "North American cartoons (or movies, or anything, really) are garbage".  If you so much as have even passing interest in something not from japan, you're obviously an idiot... in the eyes of this fandom.  People have even written "essays" that "prove" anime is "better" citing myopic views and cherry picked examples from whatever anime is supposedly better than and conveniently forgetting that much of their preferred entertainment medium exhibits the exact same flaws (whether they want to see them or not).

They even make categorical statements that cannot possibly be true.  Because the world of art and story telling is an ever changing one, you certainly can't say anime is inherently or even fundamentally better than anything anyone else can possibly make - the next best thing can be around any corner in any corner of the world.  And yet, this is exactly what they claim.  Indeed, anything from Japan is considered innately better than anything from anywhere else, including the language and mannerisms (but conveniently ignoring the cultural sexism).

They've, in essence, detached their fandom from liking a specific set of stories and story telling tactics and attached it instead to an exclusionary "elitist" viewpoint, complete with all the condesention that goes along with it.  It's no longer simply liking something, it's a vitriolic dislike of everything else.  They even vocally attack the anime fans who do not tow this "party line" as being "Not a Real Anime Fan".   I know!  I've been called that a number of times!

Then, when another fan or fandom tries to point out why this is not a good position to hold (either by defending their own attacked fandom, or by explaining why they personally don't like anime), they bring out their persecution complex and label the individual as an anime hater.  They do this even if their critic also enjoys anime.

These are not the actions of a rational individual who simply enjoys a medium; these are the actions of a reprehensible jerk.

Of course, these same actions can be found in literally any fandom.  The problem is, it's become the heart and life-blood of the anime fandom on the internet.  It's everywhere!  These toxic views are on every anime forum, every anime fansite and every site that even passingly resembles an anime fan site.  If the site discusses, or has links to discussing anime, it will have people holding these views in earnest and being championed up for it.  I've never seen this attitude, to this extent, in any other fandom i've been a part of.

Of course, many others do not share these elitist douchebag views, including fans of the very same medium.  So what's the inevitable outcome when the two sides meet?  The time honoured internet tradition of a flame war.

We all know how flame wars turn out: hot-tempers and name calling and irrational arguments and all the good stuff that nobody likes on the internet.  This, too, of course serves to cement in the minds of the anime fandom that they are just a persecuted lot, struggling to hold their own against torrents of unenlightened individuals who wipe their ass with manga, watch the stupidest of entertainment mediums and get together for the sole purpose of hating on the anime fans and everything they hold dear.

But, that's not really true, now is it?

No, dear anime fan.  People do not hate you because you like anime.  They just hate you.  So until the fandom as a whole starts to ditch this toxic attitude, i will proudly be an "anime hater" who happens to love anime.